I realized that I'm not flexible in my work. Currently I'm mentoring one Indian guy and frankly it is a hard task. I feel that there is some kind of tension or confrontation between two of us. I mean, it is not like we are fighting with each other, but I would rather call it confrontation of minds. He doesn't want to except my leadership, I don't want to except his rules of the game. In another situation I would just let it go. Currently my position about such issues is "if you don't want to learn from me, fine, go find someone else who can teach, because I will not do it any more".
But he made me thinking today. At the end of the day our working target was achieved, in different way that I wanted it to be done though. My approach was based more on his learning and showing him best case practice, his approach was based on being done with it. And I will agree, it made me angry. It made me angry, because things were done not my way. But Actually why should I care? As long as it is done, project is going on, right? So, maybe my actual position is not completely "I don't care" one? Maybe I actually do care that he will learn something? Or it is more about my egoism? That things were not done in the way how I wanted them to happen? Probably it is some kind of combination.
I know that all super organization and peculiarity about work is because I had a lot of shit happening to me at the beginning of my studies here. I felt that I was to flexible or maybe too undisciplined? Well, now I have plenty of self discipline and a lot or self responsibility. A lot of people actually freak out of me, for them it is too perfect. For me it is a way how to keep control over my life. I'm not trying to play God, I'm just trying to organize things that I can control.
Well, major thought I had today is that I'm not enough flexible in my work and probably in life too. And also I realized that if I don't know answer to the question it bothers me... I don't like unanswered questions...
