Happy Birthday to me...

So, my Birthday is coming in 2 weeks and I thought that I had a great plan how to celebrate it: First go to spa salon with friend of mine for several hours, have some massage, manicure and all stuff that girls like. Then I will go for a dinner with my boyfriend and have a romantic evening with him. I thought it is perfect. Until yesterday... When I spoke with my mum and she was asking me on phone what present do I want to get for my birthday (Consider that she is in Ukraine and I'm in US). I told her that I just want to get a birthday card from her and I want to get a call with birthday wishes. That's all. Of course mum insisted that she will send me some money, so that I can give some treat for myself. And then she asked: "So, how are you going to celebrate it this year?" I told her about my great plan. And then she is like: "That's how you really want to celebrate it?I thought that you like to throw great parties and have a lot of fun!" And since that talk I'm thinking about it. She is right. I really like Birthdays. Doesn't matter whether it is mine or someone else. I just like whole spirit of Birthday celebration. I think it is very nice when you have all your friends, family around you at that day and you actually celebrate someone birth. For me it is even kind of magical to some extend. When I was back home every year it was a big party. People were even waiting for it! Oh, October is getting to the end, soon Mikhed and Slavik will have their birthday party! People were coming for it from all over Ukraine and not only..... I miss those days.....
Even last year, when I just came to US I managed to have a party for 24 people at my place, even though I hardly knew anyone in this country.
So, what happened with me this year? Am I changing? Or getting older and becoming a boring personality? No, I will not let it happen with me! And I will keep on doing what I like, no matter what! Soooo, people, get ready for a good party this year! I will celebrate my Birthday the way I'm used to!

Fall depression

Probably it came to me as well. I don't know why. Everything seems to be fine, but when evening comes I actually start feeling sad.
Sometimes it comes ad goes. For example when I see pictures from India. Seriously, its like feeling that something essential is missing, like you know that there is that nirvana, that you are looking for and you can not reach it. I remember myself when I came from India. I could feel peace with myself. Maybe I was worried about some things that were happening at that time in my family, but I particularly can recall that state of mind, which I'm searching as a bliss now - PEACE. I had a peace with my dreams, with vision of myself, peace with life balance. Now I don't have it and its frustrating.
Every time when I think how much more I need to study I just freak out. Especially now, when I think about applying for PhD program. If I speak with someone around 30, which most of my friends here are (:)) they all recommend to do it, because most probably I will never come back to it. When I speak with friends of my age, they all recommend to go with Master's and get some decent job for gaining practical experience and gradually moving along career ladder. I think that both of this points have a positive benefit for me. As Jason said: At least PhD doesn't close any doors for you, but most probably open some. And I think that he has a point.
On the other hand I'm not sure whether I want to do science for the rest of my life. Because it seems that I will continue doing same thing that I'm doing right now just for bigger amount of money.
Working in pharmaceutical business seems to be at least more intense in terms of activities, meeting new people, being exposed to the world. I don't know, maybe my view is wrong, but at least that's how I see it.
Till the end of November I need to make my mind. Last-last time point is middle of December.

And I really-really miss Ukraine, my people, my friends, my family.....
Sometimes this feeling is so intense that I can feel physical pain.......
Sometimes I walk home from the lab and I can feel smell of Lviv. I know that I'm becoming psycho, but I don't care. And I know that I will not be able to go home until next May for sure.
So the only thing I can hope about is that some of my over-see friends will finally come to visit me!

But no matter what I'm still optimistic, because I know the reason why I came here and I will fulfill my goal, no matter how hard it is....