Emotional coma. How is it? It is like you have a ball in your chest and you can't breath at all. You stop breathing for a while and then very smart though comes: "What if I will stop breathing at all? Just for fun, see how it works. And then you realize that you actually need to take one inhale after another and then you actually need to breath it out. Without stopping. After that you actually start thinking that if I will breath deep enough I will eventually come down. No way! It doesn't go away, no matter how hard you try. It just sits there. It is something like endless emptiness that is located in your lungs and spreads through whole your body.
Then you stop having any thoughts at all. Nothing. Empty head..............
And then one after another they come. I don't want to go back. I don't want everything to finish like that. BUT I DID!!!!!!! Fucking shit, I did!!!! I struggled, I fought for it! I did my best, but I didn't know the right way. I just didn't know how to do it exactly, but I tried!!!!!Isn't something that should be valued?
I don't know. I'm lost..... What should I do.......I don't have any idea what to do. At all... I'm in coma...