Cultural sensitivity

Well, probably everyone who is reading my blog during this period of my life knows that at this very moment I'm living my life-challenging experience in land of magic - India. And as well, you probably know that here I'm living in crappy intern's house with several more people. All of them are very special, each of them is unique and representing not only different culture, but also different personal life style. Some of us like to party a lot, others prefer to sleep whole day and kill unique moments that they are having in this country, some us prefer to work 24 hours per day and not do anything else except it. I can understand that it depends only on personal goals for this internship as well as life priorities. I can understand everything. So, than, why none wants to understand me???? My personal goals, my personal priorities???

A?? Tell me?

Why all this people in our house are talking soooooo much about cultural sensitivity and at the same time they don't want to do even a small thing like washing dishes after themselves or throwing garbage into the garbage bag and not ON it? How they allow themselves to say that India is the biggest racist country in the world, when they been only in Chandigarh and whole day they are just sleeping in their bed and doing completely nothing??? A???? Tell me?

Maybe I'm stupid and I can't get something crucial about that FUCKING CULTURAL SENSITIVITY? Maybe I'm asking too much from people around me? Maybe Wikipedia or Google are bullshiting about it's definition? Or maybe people who were 5-6 years in AIESEC and travelled whole world and have friend, true friends in every country, taught me some different definition of this term?

Being here for 2 months I never said even a word that might heart other nation, maybe I was saying rude things about specific person, yes, I know that I have this in my character. I know that and that's why I'm not disagreeing about that, but I NEVER EVER said something intolerant or culturally non-sensitive to people with whom I'm living with or to Indians that I'm surrounded here every day. So, why do I need to here that? As well, I never judged people for their behaviour here, especially about their personal life. If they prefer to have one-night-stand, it is their choice, if they are striving for long-term relationship with Indians, with other interns, as well, it is their choice. So, than why they are judging me? If they are excepting my attitude with such a big gratefulness?

Than why do I need to feet in THEIR standards of proper behaviour? Why I can't have the same attitude that I'm showing to them? Why every time I need to find excuses about alcohol that I'm drinking and people with whom I'm hanging out here? Because for them I'm looking like alcoholic and easy-picked up girl? Why can't they be a bit more open minded? Or simply not to look on me through their stereotypes?

As I see the see the situation right now is that people are playing with the term of cultural sensitivity. They are using it n the way that is more comfortable for them.
When they are doing some shit, they want to make themself pure and innocent, when I'm fighting with them I hear such kind of reply: "Yulia, you are not understanding, we are all from different countries, from different cultures.You need to be more tolerant to us!"


If you want me to act with you culturally sensitive, please act like the same with me and stop making your stupid remarks about me drinking alcohol and people with whom I'm hanging out here! As well, stop pleasing messing up around not to disturb other people around you!

Angry (R-r-r-r-r-r-r)

Трудные решения

Боже до чего же трудно принимать решения в этой жизни!
Вот скажи почему это так сложно пирнимать решение, оставаться в Индии или ехать домой. Тут меня держит несколько вещей. Например сраная ответственность перед людьми, которые выбрали меня в ЕБ. Мне нужно выполнять обязательства, которые я взяла на себя. Потом работа. Ну какой вес будет иметь в СВ фраза про то, что я работала 3 месяца на компании, когда я имела возможность сказать, що работала там 6 месяцев? Так вот и я о том же. А еще начала налаживаться личная жизнь. Черт бы все это побрал!!!!!!

И в тоже время мне надо домой. Там одна мама, с двумя стариками на руках. У обоих Альцгеймер, а это дохуя как сложно быть с ними, когда они в таком состоянии. А еще мне мама только что написала, что бабушку положили в больницу с кишечным кровотечением. У нее или опухоль или полипы. Будут оперировать завтра. Черт, как я могу быть здесь, когда я так нужна там? Как я могу говорить про какую-то личную жизнь, когда у меня бабушка потихоньку умирает?

Что мне делать?

Характер

Блин, та что ж это такое???!!!!
Ну просто рекорд. За два последних дня меня довели уже дважды. Давно со мной такого не случалось!
Но сегодня это ж просто капец. Девочка из Ганы, с котроя я живу в одной комнате не разговаривает со мной целую неделю Все это время я пыталась вытянуть ее на разговор в чем же, суко дело, но она как настоящий партизан, стойко держалась. Поэтому сегодня я решила проявить креативность и решила поговорить с ней в он-лайн. Иногда людям бывает легче написать чем сказать в лицо. Правильно сделала, ноды было раньше так поумничать. Так вот она мне сказала, что не разговаривала со мной все это время, потому что я на нее кричу. Ну прикиньте? Да она еще не слышала как я могу кричать. Возможно я и повысила голос когда с ней разговаривала, но это только потому что она не закрывает входные двери в нашу квартиру, а меня уж раз обокрали и я не хочу чтобы такая милая ситуация повторилась ;) С меня и одного раза хватило. И потом я повысила на нее голос когда я больше не могла терпеть того, что когда она ресчесываеться,то бросает волосы напол и в конечном итоге мои шлепанцы были в ее волосах, хорошо хоть волосы с головы, а не с другого места, хотя наверняка знать не могу.
Ну а теперь она мне говорит, что у меня скверный характер.
Блин, я знаю, что бываю не сдержана, знаю, что могу нахамить или нагрубить, но я никогда не делаю это без причины. НИКОГДА!!!! Потому что я уважаю мнение других людей и пытаюсь не нарушать их внутренее спокойствие. Но когда они переходят рамки моей культурной лояльности, я терпеть не собираюсь.

Ладно, выводы на будущее:
КОНТРОЛИРОВАТЬ СВОИ ЭМОЦИИ. ПРИ ЧЕМ СТАРАТЬСЯ БОЛЬШЕ ЧЕМ СЕЙЧАС!

ठुर्स्दय mood

I don´t know what is going on with this blog, but sometimes it just strat to write in Hindi or in Punjab, I can´t distinguish them. So, the topic of my post is Thursday mood and not that something that appeared up there :)
I don´t know what is going on with me. Today or even few last days I feel myself weird. I know that I need to work hard and persisitant to achieve few goals that are in front of me and I´m really doing that, but nothing happens. I don´t see results that I´m expecting. Things are not going in the way they are planed.
I´m working sooooo hard on my work and I´m not getting that fucking information. I´m doing my best inpreparation for that damn GRE and I have low score!!!!
What is the matter with me? I don´t want to hear that it is diminishion law, because I don´t believe in it and I knwo that all in this life is depending on person. If I don´t want to get up at 8 and I´m not doing that, I´m responsible for being late for the work. That´s why I´m sitting their additional hour or even two. Because I feel responsible about every fucking thing that I´m doing in this life. And I know that right now I´m working hard and I want to see results of that work, because in other case what is the purpose of my work, my preparation for GRE????? I want to see the results!!!!!

And there is one more thing that is disturbing me for a few days. Í was thinking a lot about the relationship and why I´m can´t find my second half or whatever. And today I realized. That maybe I´m trying to see that second half in every guy that I´m considering attractive for myself? And I´m not talking now about the appearence, because it is not that much important for me, I´m talking about attractiveness in general.
Probably I need to be more accurate in my choices, as well I need to control my behaviour at least at some exceptable standarts.

Грустно и хочу домой

Так грустно стало. До невозможности захотелось сейчас домой. А там увижу маму и всех-всех моих друзей.Там снова буду бродить по извилистым узким улицам самого дорогого и самого близкого мне по духу города, мого славетного Міста Левів. Там я снова смогу пойти в Зоротой Дукат и Дзигу, там я снова буду пить пиво в Кабинете. Там снова будут все те дебильные шутки и нежданные долго- и коротко-срочные гости у меня дома. И снова повторюсь, что там будет мама. Она будет готовить мне кушать и стрирать мою одежду, она будет выслушивать мое нытье по утрам и вечерам и еще она всегда будет знать что делать в любой ситуации. А еще там будет Настя. И мы снова будем устраивать наши муви найты и просто вечера - ночи утра трепа ни о чем, про мужчин, про мужчин и про мужчин. Там будет вкусная еда и хорошое пиво. Там будет ванна и моя родная постель, а еще там будет мой компютер и все мои фильмы/книги/презентации на нем. Там будет мой кот, который будет будить меня по утрам,чтобы я его покормила и там будет столько дорогих моему сердцу вешей!
Вообшем мне очень грустно и я очень хочу домой!

Вещи, которые меня поражают в Индии

Пока живешь в этой стране, то к очень многому привыкаешь, потому что иначе нельзя. И даже наврено дело не в том,что иначе нельзя, а в том, что ты просто уже не хамечаешь этого. Например, для меня уже очень даже нормально ездить на рикше и не обрашать внимания на то, как на меня паляться на улице. Просто привыкла.
Но все таки еще остаються вещи которые меня удивляют :)) И это хорошо.
Например строительство/реконструкция дорог.
Вся эта процедура происходит следующим образом:
Сначала они разрывают всю дорогу на несколько недель и ставят крпичи по бокам для того, чтобы показать,что на самом деле они то все таки что-то делают. После того как прошло указанное время начинаються подготовительные мероприятия: 4-5 постоянно кричаших что-то на своем языке женщин подметают дорогу. При этом они все вермя одеты в национальную одежду, которая характерна тем, что у нее длинный шлейф и поэтому когда они приседают, то шлейф заметает всю дорогу за ними. То есть, все что эти тетки недозаметали руками, дозаметает шлейф их костюма.
После этого дорога перекрываеться с двух сторон и целаю куча индусов начинает очень быстро и что самое интересное очень умело работать. В конечном итоге, дорога длинной в пару киллометров строиться за один день. Но крику, шуму и всякого остального они производят столько, что просто не передать словами.
Потом, еще одна вешь, которая меня удивляет, но не с приятной стороны.
Пару дней назад мы шли домой с одним стажером, и проходя по аллее, которая ведет к нам домой мы прошли мимо человека, который лежал на дорожке и возле него лежал велосипед. Цезарь "страшно" спешил домой, что даже не захотел остановиться и проверить все ли с ним нормально, или по краней мере проверить жив ли он.Мы прошли мимо и не остновились.Я до сих пор корю себя за это и тот мужчина периодически вспоминается мне. Но мы же были не одни на той улице. И все остальные точно также проходят мимо и не обращают на это ниикакого внимания. А зачем переживать, если у них 1,6 миллиарда населения. Надо же его куда-то девать. А вчера со мной произошла довольно схожая ситуация. Мы ехали на празднование выборов в ЕБ и когда мы поворачивали, то сбили человека на мопеде. Что меня удивило больше всего так это то, что Т.Д. даже не подумал остановиться, он даже скорость не сбавил. А когла я его спросила не желает ли он остановиться, чтобы проверить как там тот человек, то он ответил, что не хочет, чтобы его словила милиция. Я конечно все понимаю, что это не приятно, но нужно же помочь человеку?
Наверно в этом посте должно быть написано еще много-много вешей, которые отличны от Украинских реалий, но пока я его только начала ...

3th of January

I don't know how to name this post, because I don't have any specific info that I want to put, I'm starting to think that I'm using this blog for myself than for people that are reading it.
Yesterday I had an interview for the EB in AIESEC in Chandigarh.It was a bit strange feeling to sit there, in front of two LCPs, that are really cool guys, two of them are more than passionate about AIESEC and there work, and to answer their questions, to plan together my activities in AIESEC in Chandigarh and to know that now it is MY LC, not only theirs but mine as well, and I as an EB member need to develop it the way they are doing it, but in my own sphere. And it was very strange feeling when two of them stood up and said to me, that our congratulations - you are selected to be a member of EB 2009 in AIESEC n Chandigarh. At that moment I didn't know how I should react. Or should I cheer up and hug them, or should I just smile and say thank's a lot. What do I need to do? I came home very proud of myself, I came home with the feeling that I have something that I was dreaming about. Position of Vice-President.
And when I came home some routine work overloaded me - laundry,cleaning of the dishes, cooking. This are things that I need to do by myself, because I'm the only one responsible for that. And while doing that this feeling of overwhelming excitement just disappeared and I could except this fact in a more calm manner. so, yes, my friends, I'm a member of Executive Body of AIESEC in Chandigarh in 2009 with the position - Vice-President in Talent Management in the training specialization.
One more dream came true.

Today I called my mum. We were talking in a more nice manner than previously, now she is not that mush aggressive and I'm more open to get her thoughts and we are more friends than we were while quarrelling and at the same time I still see that there is gap in the relationship. Today we were talking about my staying in India till the end of May. She wasn't that much upset than she was last time, when I just mentioned about this possibility, but in any case she wasn't happy. She just said that she doesn't know how she will live without me this 3 more months. When she was saying that, my heart was crying and that moment I thought - is it right decision that I'm taking now? Is it the way my life need to go? Do I need to be so far from my mum when I had a possibility to be near her? I don't know till now, I don't have a proper answer. Every way is looking good, but how to know which one is yours?

New Year, my manager, GRE, positive thoughts

OMG!!!!!!!
Today I came to the company at 1 pm, because I didn't want to come here earlier, because fucking shit! today is New Year and first thing that I'm usually doing this days I came to my manager and had a chat with him. He is such a cool guy! Guys, before meeting him I would never believe that Indian man can be sooooo nice! Really it is looking like a miracle here. So, we were discussing our New Year celebration and he told me that in Sector 17, that is considered to be main shopping, leisure and hanging out part of the Chandigarh, 6 foreigners were attacked, that police and commandos came there to rescue them. He also said that when in the morning he received his newspaper and seen that article first thing that he done is that he checked whether I was among those internationals. Isn't he sweet? Yes, he is more than that! He is all the time caring about me, how I will get home if it is late, how I'm going to spend weekend if I have nothing to do and other small things, for example how I'm adopting to the food or to the weather. I'm really glad that I have such a person in my office, that I can completely rely on! Thank you Suraj, for being here with me!

Usual activity that I'm doing after coming to the work is mail checking, and when I did it today I really regretted!Do you know why? Yes, fucking shit! I will have to retake GRE once again! I don't want to pass through this tortures any more! It is something I hate with all my soul!!!!!!!!! When I'm reminding myself last time when I was passing it, time of preparation and time of passing it I want to die and not experience that once again. But I know that I will have no other choice as to do that again, because IIE is considering my Verbal section to low. Yes, I know that it was fucking shit, I know that I have just 310 from possible 800. I know that I failed in that, but what I can do about that? People usually prepare for 1 year for that exam and I had just 3 weeks. I'm not sure that I will have more this time but I have one advantage, I already did it once. Still, I have to do a lot to get normal score, at least they are requiring 400 at Verbal part. At the same time I have some disadvantages at this time, I don't have my own computer here, it means that I can't work at home on some exercises or what ever that I could do, when I was in Lviv. At home I think that I will be able only to memorize words that are required there. Ok, I think that I can manage everything, if not I will ask someone to help me, the only thing is that I don't know whom I need to ask for that! But, I'm strong and I will survive!

Another thing that I wanted to share here are about my feelings.
Few minutes ago I was reading Ira Legka's blog and there she had a post about changing of mindset from being a tourist to being a resident of the country. When I was reading it, I could see myself there. At the moment that I'm in India and according to Ira's classification right now I'm a guest. I'm not getting lost that much on the streets, I know how to get to the main places that I'm usually going to. I know where I can have a lunch and where I can buy meat for dinner, I have a few people whom I can call to have a coffee with me or I'm receiving phone calls from them to go out. Yes, mostly they are the same interns as I'm. And it is only because of improper attitude of @cers to the interns here. I'm not stopping to tell them that they are working for quantity and not for quality and it is not the way it should be! They have right now 13 interns and they couldn't manage to make some activity for us for the New Year! I don't want to think a lot about it, because I'm getting angry all the time when I'm thinking about it, but I know for sure that reception of interns n my country is much better than here!
If I will pay attention to all that shit I will just loose my positive attitude to the internship,to my work and to some good people that are surrounding me.

Also for the duration of several days I'm talking in vkontakte with my groupmate - Roma. I was telling him that I had a feeling of going home. He wrote me message back that if I want to go home, that I need to do that, because there is no better country than Motherland, that my mum and my friends are waiting for me and I will be more happy if I will be home. When I read his message I thought: "No, my dear friend, I still have what to do in this country, what to learn and what to explore in India. And I know for sure that all difficulties that I'm facing here will make me more mature and stronger and that if I will come back to Ukraine now I will be a looser and I will lose my own believe in myself". Right now I know that I need to fight for myself and I know that I will successed :)