Mix in my head

I have such a mess right now in my head. It is combination of feelings, emotions, thoughts, experiences, parallels, perpendiculars, desires, wishes, paradigms, stereotypes and many other things that I don't know even words that are disribing them.
At this very moment I have so many roles in my life, so many masks that need to be put. Even people around the world are fighting with this statement I still consider it to be truthful. We are really different at work and in family circle. We are saying all things openly when we are in team of friends and we silent about them, when we are not so much acquainted with people around us.

The same with me.

I fill myself very comfortable in India, I simply love this country as well I missing Ukraine like hell. I want to stay here longer and I want to go home as soon as possible. Should I consider that controversial mindset?
I want to be alone at the same I need to have company around me not to fall into depression.
I got over motivated with my work. I finally found something that I'm interested to know more about. I was working on it like mad for 4 working days. And you know what? My manager said that it is not applicable for our company and he really doubts that President will approve it. What da hell? Man, do you know how hard I worked to receive that damn information? I don't know. I'm generally frustrated about Indian working style. I just know that if I will be confident about that exhibition I may convince my President that we need to go there. And I hope that he will also take me there. I would like to see Tashkent.

My friends. My dear friends. Where are you? Why today there are people around me that we so far from me and now they are so close to my heart? As well, why people who shared every breath, every single moment of happiness, sadness, disaster, passion, desire, fun, love just gone, don't have time, don't have desire to be with me. I don't know what is wrong. But I really feel sad about that. At the same time because of that I'm a bit scared to go back to Ukraine. I know that when I will come there everything will change. And I really mean EVERYTHING! My friends will have somehow different life, they will surrounded by new ideas, people, plans. And I will be out of all of that. Out, not knowing what, where, when.

As well, there are several positive moments in my life. First one and the biggest one is positive tendencies in my family. We are on our way for better future and I'm really really happy about that. Let's pray for it staying on the same road!

Also, I'm very happy with my AIESEC involvement. I'm at the right position, in right Local Committee, with right people around me. I know what I need to do. I know what I want to do. I know how I want to do that. As well, I know which legacy I want to leave after myself. This is making me extremely happy. I know that when I will finally leave AIESEC I will fullfill one big dream of mine! I just want to see two and a half months of my work even better than I've experienced before.

So, I have good moments, I have sad moments. All this is called life of an adult. That's why so often I want to go back to my childhood. Without that much responsibilities, when life was so easy and simple. But I know that it is impossible. So, I don't have any other choice as to put a mask of wise, intelligent and mature person and continue my fight :)