My last day in India

My dear, dear friends and simply people that arereading my blog. Now it is time for me to say good - bye to my new home - to India. In 45 minutes I'm leaving hospitable family of my good friend Akkriti and I'm going to the airport. At 8 pm, I will have my flight to some misterious city in United Arab Amirates, where I'm supposed to waite for 9 hours. Being in India I started to be more flexible in thinking about this. I have good book, I have sleeping bag, I will survive. After that I havemy flight to Ukraine, to my Motherlad. So at 13.15, my dear friends, I will lend in Kiev and I will finally see them,it, us :))
It will be strange, it will be challenging, but it is HOME, and it is always good to come back home. I love my Indian frieds, but I love my mum more. So, I will be very happy to see her again, after 5 months of my absence. I will see all this idiots aka my friends and I will be extremly happy :)) Because they will come to the airport to meet me there.

Today, I was told that I'm a lucky person. You know what? I know that I'm lucky :)) And I'm felling very proud of it. I went to India, alone. I found myself, I found friends, I had a great job, I fullfield my dream to be a Vice - President in AIESEC, in the area that I was always dreaming about. I have good friends in UKraine, that are waiting for me. I have my mum andmy grandparents, that are still alive from mother's and father's line. I'm very happy and very lucky.

I'm very thankful for everyone that maid my staying here so special and so unique. And here, I'm saying thank you not only for Indian friends, but for Ukrainian as well, because this people were cheering me up, when I didn't see bright things in life.

HUge thank you once again to all of you!!!!!

This mysterious word that is called FRIENDSHIP

You know, this days there are so many things that I'm thinking about.
I'm thinking about Ukraine and India, I have thoughts about my old and new home. I'm thinking about my friends there and here and those that are from all over the world. I didn't stick to any normal decision about my life. I just know that I need to go, I know that family is requiring me, that's why I'm leaving.

Once, Franka and I had a talk on her balcony - our beloved place for talking. And I was telling her, that I'm afraid of coming back. I think that she was surprised to hear that statement from me - such a strong personality. I was saying to her that I'm afraid to go home, because I lost part of life there. I'm not in the stream. I don't know what is going on in life of my friends. So, how will I fit there?
She was saying that there are no problem with that. If you want you will feet in every person's life, as I did before. I was agreeing with her at some part, but still I had doubts.

Today I realized, that I was partly right. I realized that it will be a little harder to assimilate to Ukrainian life again. It will be hard to show my Ukrainian friends that I still matter. I don't know what happened, I don't know why they lost something unique, but I can't feel it right now. Only thing that I realize at this very moment, that I will have lot's of shocks when I will reach Ukraine and not only cultural one!

I'm leaving so soon

OMG!!!!!!!!!
I have so many thoughts right now in my head, so many feelings in my heart. My mood is changing every moment, every second. I can see all my life in India in front of my eyes. I can remember that fun that I had here, that intense experience. I'm getting crazy with all of this that is overwhelming me now.

I know that I'm lucky person. As I know that I'm happy person. This 4.5 months that I spend in India is such a diverse experience that will never face again. I'm not a pessimist, I'm crazy optimist. I just know that my life in a way that it was will never repeat. I will never be with the same people at the same situation in the same mind state at the same feelings level. I know that pretty good. That's why I feel so happy and so special at the same moment.
Here I experienced all emotions that human beings can ever have.
I was feeling happiness when I was selected for EB, I was feeling love or likeness when I was dating with him, I was feeling desire sitting next to another one, I was feeling jealous when I heard about stories of interns in Europe, I was feeling proud when I created content of GEP event, I was feeling happy when my LC got 5 awards during NatCong, I was feeling euphoria when we got JNC, I was feeling depression, when my Ukrainian friends were writing letters to me, I was feeling homesickness attacks when I was ignored, I was feeling care when my friends were making some small things that I was requiring at that moment and they just heard that by accident, I was feeling true friendship when Franka gave me money, when mine was stolen, I was feeling once again care when people around me were worrying how I will get home after 12 or something like that.

Guys I was constantly feeling happiness in different dimensions. I don't have possibility to write each and every situation that happened with me here, but be sure that all that is in my head and in my heart.

I think that I'm repeating this phrase probably 100 times already, but I don't care: India is like home for me. My new home and now I need to go to my old home: Ukraine, Lviv.

My motto for this days: Don't cry because it's gone, smile because it happened. I'm smiling even more than I'm usually doing :))))

Love you all :)))

A Farewell Letter

If for an instant God were to forget that I am rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life,
possibly I wouldn't say all that I think,
but rather I would think of all that I say.
I would value things,
not for their worth but for what they mean.
I would sleep little, dream more,
understanding that for each minute we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of light.
I would walk when others hold back.
I would wake when others sleep.
I would listen when others talk,
and how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!
If God were to give me a piece of life,
I would dress simply,
throw myself face first into the sun,
baring not only my body but also my soul.
My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice,
and wait for the sun to show.
Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem,
and a Serrat song would be the serenade I'd offer to the moon.
With my tears I would water roses,
to feel the pain of their thorns,
and the red kiss of their petals.

My God, if I had a piece of life...
I wouldn't let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them.
I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites,
and I would live in love with love.
I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old,
not knowing that they grow old when they cease to love!
To a child I shall give wings,
but I shall let him learn to fly on his own.
I would teach the old that death does not come with old age,
but with forgetting.
So much have I learned from you, oh men...

I have learned that everyone wants to live on the peak of the mountain,
without knowing that real happiness is in how it is scaled.
I have learned that when a newborn child squeezes for the first time with his tiny fist his father's finger,
he has him trapped forever.
I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.
From you I have learned so many things,
but in truth they won't be of much use,
for when I keep them within this suitcase,
unhappily shall I be dying.

~GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ~

Rishikesh trip

OMG!!!!! That was something!!! This trip was really different to all other trips that we had here in India. Being myself, meaning being a lot into details I will tell story about Rishikesh from very beginning, it means from preparation and organization of this trip :)
I never ever seen such a stressful planning. We were changing our plans every 15 minutes. People who were there tried to convince others, that there is nothing to see in Rishikesh, there is no possibility to do rafting, when it is raining and other crap. After participating in two on-line talks of such a character I understood - that's it! I'm going in any case and I will not pay attention to anyone. One phone call to Franka and we are already going together. So, it means that I will never be alone, when I have my best friend in India near me :) Than we had a few hours debates about how, when , why, with whom we are going with other lovely interns and just random people in our house. Finally, Natasha (intern from Russia and my good friend) made an arrangement with her boss friend that he will go with us and he will help us in everything, especially in transportation - we went to Rishikesh by his car :))) I simply love to be a white girl in India :)))

Trip to Rishikesh was quite interesting. It took us 8 hours instead of 4 that were promised. But who cares? It is called Indian stretchable time. No one is paying attention to stick to their words :(( Unfortunately. All the way David (guy from France, who was intern than employee in India, than was fired and now he is going to China, to find some work/internship there, very interesting personality, by the way :))) ) I think that I will always have associations about him - "Magical moments", Party in French style, products from Manali and lot's of funny jokes. This guy knows how to make people laugh :)))

So, we came to Rishikesh at 1.30 am. Found the hotel for 400 Rs. per room. David was shocked, me as well :((( To pay such a price for such a shit????!!!!????? Never ever I will stay in such a room for such a price. Giving you my word. As a result we decided not to bother ourselves with such a small problems as cockroaches on the floor in the room and in the bathroom, lizards on the wall and great party on the ground floor. Defiantly, who will pay attention to sooooo small inconveniences when whole week you are sleeping less than 6 hours per day, it is already 3 am and tomorrow you are planning to have 4 hours rafting in Ganga river? Yeh, I also think so :)) So, we covered dirty pillows with our pullovers and felt asleep :)))
Morning in Rishikesh started with phone call at 8 am. I wanted to kill that person, than some machines started to work in the yeard and than Natasha called and said that in 15 minutes we will have to leave! OMG. I love my life, my India, my experience here! Guys!!!!!!!! Give me half an hour more to sleeppppp!!!!!!! No way, we need to go!
Early wake up was just a part of nice morning. It started to rain in Rishikesh. Weather was "veeeeeerrrryyyyy good" for rafting. But we decided that we will do that in any case, because we travelled so far, with so many difficulties. Now, it is our responsibility to do that. So, we booked rafting, went for breakfast and finally started our way to the place on river where our adventure will start. As way there took some time, Franka and I started to remind ourselves about all adventures that we had in India with her. OMG, I didn't laugh that much for whole week totally. You know, people, I realised at that moment how many things I already experienced here, how many people I met here, how many countries I have invitation now to come :))) It was great to remind all of that :)))) Thank you Franka, for being all the time with me :)) I love you, my darling! You will always be in my heart, in my memories, in my life. You are always welcomed in every country that I will be living, staying, chilling in :) I know that we will meet in Ukraine and also I know that you will come to USA to meet me. As well I know that WE WILL visit India again, but this time for sightseeing! Pakka, my darling :))))

So, cool, our boat was ready, life-saving jackets are put on, hamlets are on the heads, instruction are understood. Chalo, lets go, friends!
First feelings: "And that's it? We want actions!!!" After first active moment: "Cool, we want more!!!!!!!!!" And we got more!!!!!!!! Guys, rafting is something great! I recommend it to everyone! You need to do it at least once in your life :) Because this rafting resort is oriented for tourist mainly not for sports men, we had a lot of fun, swimming in Ganga and just time for chatting and jokes :)) Thank's David for throwing me to Ganga, without you I will never do that! And now I have this experience. And I'm happy !!!! As well, Ganga as sooo clean in Rishikesh. I remember it in Allahabad. That was damn crap! I would not even think of swimming in that river, but in Rishikesh - why not? It was great :)))
As well, once again I'm impressed by Himalayas nature. It is simply fantastic. When you are passing through places that are completely virgin and on other side you see tourist camp and just polluted Indian villages :) It is very different and very diverse country. I can't stop being amazed by it!
My rafting experience was so cool because of people with whom I was there: Natasha, David, Rajishwar and for sure Franka!
After stopping we went to change to some dry clothes and lunch :)) We went to the restaurant in one hotel and I was shocked to see so many foreigners in one time in one place in India. Obviously, food was prepared as for foreigners, not for Indians, meaning that it was not that spicy :)
After great lunch we decided to go around Rishikesh and finally to go home. You know, guys, at that moment it was hard to take this decision. I will tell you why. When you are sleeping whole week less than 6 hours per day, when you had crazy weekends with lot's of activities, such as rafting, travelling and sightseeing and you still know that tomorrow work is starting. It means that at least at 9.30 am you need to be in the office. As well you need to do something there, most preferably, something useful :))) And you know that trip home will take 6-7 hours. So, it means that you have big chances to come home at 2-3 am. Logically, you will have same 6 hours to recover from trip and to go for work.
On the other hand - you have possibility to see Rishikesh, you have possibility to go to unknown temples, you have possibility to buy some cheap souvenirs for your friends and for yourself and generally you have a possibility to do something different from daily routine!
I think you already guessed what we did :)) Obviously, we stayed :)) And we enjoyed. It was great. Rishikesh is great small city, with lot's of crazy people that are thinking that they are saint or at least something like that. There are lot's of nice temples, there are lot's of shops with cool Indian clothes, but prices are a bit higher than in Amritsar for example, because there are too many stupid tourists that are paying high price for that products!
I was blessed by some strange guy from Hindu temple. Now, I have holy ribbon on my wrist and red spot on my forehead :)) Funny :)
Souvenirs were bought, city seen and we went back home :))

I don't know why, but trip home wasn't that long as trip to Rishikesh. Maybe our driver stopped being lost ??? :)))) Who knows? But as a result at 1.30 am we were at home:))) Finally, my bed, my pillow, my room.

Thank's once again to everyone, who made this trip so great!!!! It was great experience, great views, great emotions and feelings!
Love you :)))

Interns of AIESEC in Chandigarh - I love you sooooo much!!!!

Yesterday, I had very strange day. I had too many thoughts in my mind. About life, home, friends that are here and friends that are there. O was thinking about my personal growth and my professional career. As you can see to wide sphere of interests :))
So, as a result I was a bit sad and even had homesickness attacks. I put this status in gtalk. In 15 minutes 3 persons wrote me smth nice. How they love me, how they appreciate my work here. I'm very thankful to this people.
After my work I decided to call Tushar and ask where are they, because I wanted to go to AIESEC office to work there. They were chilling at Sukhna lake. So, I came to all of them. It was a bit fun, a bit not interesting, because people around me, I mean AIESECers are all the time speaking in Hindi and I can't understand anything. So, every time when I'm with them or I need to listen very carefully and than I can get main point by noting there mimics, intonations and just moves or I can ignore that and start observing people as I'm usually doing.
Than we finally went to office, where I had great plans to work. And you know what? They were screwed up. Because working computer is transported to my home, but there is no internet at my home. There is Internet in the office, but there are no working computers :)) As usually. Ok, another purpose of me coming to office was to take bicycle that one of our LC members was supposed to bring me on Monday. Guess what? It wasn't there :) Indian style. Ok, I already got used to it. No problem.
So, what I decided to do? Obviously, I called interns that are living at the same house where AIESEC office is. There were not that much of them, but still.

And I had the most cosiest, the most feeling like at home with friends evening. When people are caring about each other. When people are sharing the same thoughts and not judging each other for the way they look, the way they speak and pronounce words in English. This 3 incredible personalities were showing there culture without domination, but with sharing equal ideas and points. They were telling about their life and especially experience in India as a fairy tale in speaking but not always fairy tail in the reality. I want to say great thank's for Dina, Pusi and Matews. I'm sorry, if spelling of your names are different, please correct me. I'm so happy that I came to their place.
After chilling in 37 house we all went to Score for party. As usually we didn't pay anything - girls night :))) And it was so great to hang out with all interns together. Even those that are not party people went with us. So, now I want to say thank's to all of you that my night in Score so cool: Leena, Rachna, Al, Natasha, David, Dina, Pusi, Matews, Tavu, Gwen.
Thank's for all crazy dances, thank's for all talks that we had, especially it goes to my new friends from Egypt - Dina and Pusi. Guys, I will come to Egypt. Just don't know when :)) Thank's for great auto-riksha experience.
How all of us were fitting to one auto. How that riksha-driver was too high to drive and than fuel finished and we couldn't go anywhere else :)) How Rachna was trying to negotiate about lower price. And once again fitting to one auto. It was crazy.It was great. All this memories will always be with me, in my heart!

I just hope that this is not last time when we are chilling like this. All together. In the same rhythm.

Mix in my head

I have such a mess right now in my head. It is combination of feelings, emotions, thoughts, experiences, parallels, perpendiculars, desires, wishes, paradigms, stereotypes and many other things that I don't know even words that are disribing them.
At this very moment I have so many roles in my life, so many masks that need to be put. Even people around the world are fighting with this statement I still consider it to be truthful. We are really different at work and in family circle. We are saying all things openly when we are in team of friends and we silent about them, when we are not so much acquainted with people around us.

The same with me.

I fill myself very comfortable in India, I simply love this country as well I missing Ukraine like hell. I want to stay here longer and I want to go home as soon as possible. Should I consider that controversial mindset?
I want to be alone at the same I need to have company around me not to fall into depression.
I got over motivated with my work. I finally found something that I'm interested to know more about. I was working on it like mad for 4 working days. And you know what? My manager said that it is not applicable for our company and he really doubts that President will approve it. What da hell? Man, do you know how hard I worked to receive that damn information? I don't know. I'm generally frustrated about Indian working style. I just know that if I will be confident about that exhibition I may convince my President that we need to go there. And I hope that he will also take me there. I would like to see Tashkent.

My friends. My dear friends. Where are you? Why today there are people around me that we so far from me and now they are so close to my heart? As well, why people who shared every breath, every single moment of happiness, sadness, disaster, passion, desire, fun, love just gone, don't have time, don't have desire to be with me. I don't know what is wrong. But I really feel sad about that. At the same time because of that I'm a bit scared to go back to Ukraine. I know that when I will come there everything will change. And I really mean EVERYTHING! My friends will have somehow different life, they will surrounded by new ideas, people, plans. And I will be out of all of that. Out, not knowing what, where, when.

As well, there are several positive moments in my life. First one and the biggest one is positive tendencies in my family. We are on our way for better future and I'm really really happy about that. Let's pray for it staying on the same road!

Also, I'm very happy with my AIESEC involvement. I'm at the right position, in right Local Committee, with right people around me. I know what I need to do. I know what I want to do. I know how I want to do that. As well, I know which legacy I want to leave after myself. This is making me extremely happy. I know that when I will finally leave AIESEC I will fullfill one big dream of mine! I just want to see two and a half months of my work even better than I've experienced before.

So, I have good moments, I have sad moments. All this is called life of an adult. That's why so often I want to go back to my childhood. Without that much responsibilities, when life was so easy and simple. But I know that it is impossible. So, I don't have any other choice as to put a mask of wise, intelligent and mature person and continue my fight :)